Scene Girls; You Thought They Were Hot, Until...

     Time to remove the mysterious mask of Spackle which has so thoroughly hidden the frightening truth behind it!  You may have been fooled into thinking these "Scene Queens", as they call themselves, are at least moderately attractive, but alas, the truth emerges.

AAAAAaaaaahhhh!

The truth hurts.

Kinda cool in a Horror Movie sort of way.

Ooof. 

:(

Now, let me show you an example of a girl who looks hot when she's got makeup and photoshop on her side.  When her real appearance isn't completely obscured, she looks significantly less attractive.

Keep in mind, that she is still wearing a good deal of makeup and utilizing photoshop in the second pic.
 


  That's all for now, but I hope I have helped some of you in your quest for the truth.

You Look Like a Douche When You Do That

You may not be aware, but when you do that, you look like a total douche-nozzle.

Please don't put that in your mouth... I'm sure that thing is filthy.

I don't know who told you your makeup looks good that way, but whoever they are, they're not your friend.

Oh, I see.  You must be the one who told that other girl that her makeup looks good.

As soon as my time machine arrives in the mail, I'm gonna revisit 2003, and check out your Myspace page.

God, I hate you.

The finger she still picks her nose with has become possessed. "Redrum!" (If you didn't get that reference, you are probably too young to be using the internet without parental supervision.  Naughty, naughty. )

That's incredibly clever and original. 

You're an idiot.

 Well, that's all for now, but don't go and get all disappointed, 'cause there's more where that came from.

Good God, Will You Please Stop Wrinkling Your Forehead Like That?!

A recent pet peeve of mine is seeing young women who can't seem to smile or have their picture taken without wrinkling their foreheads. For the love of God, please learn to control your face before you start getting premature wrinkles!  At this rate, these chicks will be in serious need of Botox before their 21st birthdays.

 My forehead hurts just from looking at these pictures.

Scene Queens; Being A Fool Without Looking Like A Fool

      I don't know where to begin, so I guess I'll just begin with a few images of the ideal scene look:

     Take note of the over sized hair accessories, tutus, stuffed animals, and heavy makeup; these are valuable tools in the journey to become the perfect scene drone. 

   Bangs are extremely important to the scene look!  One huge benefit of the bangs is that it hides wrinkly foreheads.  Wrinkly foreheads are not cute!
Example of good scene bangs:

Spectacular.  Now, a warning to those who think I'm just exaggerating the importance of bangs:

Yeah, gross.  I wasn't kidding.  Luckily, we live in a world of second chances. 

 Here, you can see that I fixed one lucky gal's forehead problem:

 

 Much better, right?

  Another hurdle to pass when executing the perfect scene 'do is volume.  Extreme volume is one defining feature of the scene queen quaff.   Lack of volume often leads to a simply unflattering haircut. 

   A demonstration of ideal volume:

Okay, that was kind of an exaggeration.  Lets try this again:

Alright, that's much more reasonable.  Now, a couple of examples of serious volume deficiency:

  One of the main benefits of the excessive volume is to create the illusion of a larger head-to-body ratio, causing the body to look more petite. 

Below, is an example of unfortunate lack of volume combined with slight chubbiness (note: chubbiness is not a Scene Queen characteristic).

As you can see, the added volume makes her face look more cute, while making her body appear less large.  You're welcome.

Since Scene Queens tend to be teens, an inherent quality they have is being thin (although thinner than the average fat a$$ American, mind you):

They also enjoy posing in their underwear, in case you hadn't noticed.  
   One sure fire way to expose your lack of scene dedication is to be overweight.  Even an extra ten pounds automatically outs you as a poser (no pun intended):

 Is it me, or are they not quite pulling it off?

    Accessories are an important icing on the cake, if you will.  Additionally, cupcakes are a favored accessory of the scene queen.
     Tiaras:

     Over sized bows:

     Heavy makeup:

    Hello Kitty crap:

 Lip piercings:

 And finally, crippling desperation:

   Congratulations, you've just graduated from the school of How to Get Noticed, While Still Remaining Utterly Irrelevant.